Okan Caliskan from Pixabay

A long time ago, I had some profound and amazing awakening experiences. To date, I haven't really shared these experiences as they've required a lot of integration. 

It was an incredibly bizarre time that was both heavenly in some ways, and crazy hectic and confusing in others. It was far too much for my mind to comprehend. 

• I entered an elated state of total love for everyone and everything.

• Never in my life have I laughed or cried as much as I did then.

• I had a continued feeling of ecstasy, without any party drugs, plant medicines, or any extras.

• It was a magical, mystical, and mind-blowing time with incredible amounts of synchronicity, some radical manifestation, and other mind-bending phenomena.

This seemed to start, or happen, around a time I attempted to use feelings instead of thoughts. The result was some kind of heart & mind merger. The journey was mostly a lot of fun, but it led to me learning some very hard lessons.

The story is made slightly more complex as I already had a bipolar diagnosis. This awakening period continued for many months. It was hard to stop or slow down. Eventually I would end up unwell with bipolar.

Some of these experiences occurred while I was also managing a business critical technology team at a bank, and others while managing the web business I'd created. Please scroll down for the story.

Image by Elisa from Pixabay

Back then, I had been working with computers for almost a decade. My mind was so very logical. I literally thought like a computer. My tech experience in Silicon Valley, London, and NZ, seemed to demand or benefit from logical thinking while creating solutions to binary computers.

In contrast, my wife at the time was a feelings based person. She tended to make decisions using her feelings. I was in my thirties and learning about a completely different way to operate and make decisions. It fascinated me.

Having grasped some understanding of the heart & mind methods, I became curious how it might be possible to use feelings instead of thoughts. Beyond heart based decision-making, I learnt the whole body could be used in decision-making.

Around this time, The Secret, a new movie by Ronda Byrne gained popularity. The movie encouraged use of feelings in the law of attraction process. For me, this seemed fairly woo woo, and also fun/interesting.

I had already heard a little about the law of attraction. My wife followed Esther and Jerry Hicks. They wrote books on the law of attraction. Esther channelled a group called Abraham. Initially for me, this was too woo woo. I'd endured a religious upbringing. I favoured logic.

Despite not having an interest in channelling, I kept hearing the Hicks content played around the home. I realised I liked some of the advice and material. Eventually, this led me to reading one of their books about emotions (something I knew nothing about).

At that stage, my reading interest had already started to take off. I read many books including Present Moment Awareness by Shannon Duncan, The Reconnection by Dr Eric Pearl, and multiple books by Deepak Chopra MD, Dr Dwayne Dyer, and Dr John DeMartini. I also enjoyed a lot of Michael Franti and Spearhead concerts. Spearhead share love in abundance.

Nowadays, I read a lot of books. My reading then was primarily biographies, and personal development material. The Secret movie inspired some books about manifesting and feelings etc.

Through this period, I was attempting to change my normal logical thinking pattern. I would change from being 95% thought and logic with 5% feelings to reversing those ratios, i.e. 95% feelings. I found it a fun challenge. It felt super-unnatural. It seemed similar to writing left-handed (I am right-handed).

Some aspects of this had started seven years earlier. Most of it was new.

Modified image: Julien Tromeur at Pixabay

In the morning, I noticed some mushrooms growing on the front lawn. There were probably a lot at that time of year, but I had never noticed them before.

In the afternoon, my wife's friend came over. Without me mentioning my health, she said, "Matt, you've got candida". WTF? I thought she was being a loon. She was being intuitive (something I didn't understand at the time).

Further learning showed she was right. I was unwell with candida. And by chance or synchronicity, the morning she announced that, I had been inspecting fungi on my front lawn (not a normal occurrence).

To treat my candida symptoms, and just find a new doctor, I sought a doctor with a mix of traditional and alternative methods for treating mind and body. On recommendation, I met with a new doctor. 

I am English. I was living in New Zealand. When I met with the new doctor I immediately noticed his English accent. I asked him where he was from. As we swapped stories about our past locations, there was a bizarre synchronicity. 

It was evident that back in the UK, we'd lived 700 meters apart. Given we had lived so close and not known each other, it was incredible meeting him on the other side of the world. I looked it up. In NZ, we were roughly 20 million meters from the UK location, versus 700 metres apart in the UK.

Later I also learnt the doctor knew and worked with Dr Bruce Lipton.

Image modified: Ehsnils, CC BY-SA 3.0

My candida journey was long, arduous, and painful. My symptoms had been causing me some kind of hell. I had already radically changed my diet, seen loads of different specialists, and I was still struggling.

With a mix of scepticism and openness, I went to see a spiritual healer. I was feeling pretty desperate. Nothing seemed to be working. A friend had suggested this healer. I figured I'd it give it a go.

Immediately after the healing session, I thought about what I'd experienced and whether it had provided some improvement. I wasn't sure. It was a new, pretty weird, experience for me.

While I was driving home, I made an internal call and said, “Universe, was that session any good? Please give me a sign.”. At that exact moment, the ABS light on my car came on. I had to pull over.

For anyone unfamiliar, in a car the ABS light illuminates a safety problem. I didn't return to that healer.

Late one evening, I was browsing eBay for dream cars. One in particular stood out. A Silver Lamborghini Gallardo. I'd never seen one before. Gazing through my laptop at the eBay listing, I realised I'd found a new love!

To my eye, it was such a beautiful looking car. And the eBay pic (not shown) had a nice background which complimented the beauty of the car. This eBay activity occurred at around 10pm at night.

The next day, we were heading home from the beach in a friend's car. I had nodded off for a post-beach nap. We were on the motorway. My friend gave me a nudge to wake me up. He showed me we were pulling up behind a nice car. It was a Silver Lamborghini Gallardo, identical to the one I'd seen on eBay the night before.

Image by: Raul Di Domenico on Unsplash.

After my initial love for the Lamborghini Gallardo, I kept having loads of Lamborghini synchronicities. It was weird. A very nice weird. These weren't all involving Gallardos. They included Aventadors and others.

From rarely ever seeing them, I kept seeing Lamborghinis all over the place. Result. I appreciate to some extent we see whatever we're thinking of. I've experienced similar when choosing other popular cars. But these were rare Lamborghinis. And I had a lot of synchronicities.

I don't recall the exact timing of when I read it, but a friend leant me a book called Creative Visualisation by Shakti Gawain. 

I suspect it came later, after the Lamborghini period. I mention it here, as I'm unsure on timing. I recall it seemed to influence my experiences in a stronger way than other books I read around that time.

Image by Freepik

I've been in a half a dozen or more casinos. I am not into gambling. Back at this time, I was having a lot of unusual experiences. I figured my luck must be in, as it seemed like I was being stalked by Lamborghinis.

I decided the casino would be a good place to experiment with my recent experiences. My intention wasn't about having a big win. It was to play around and see if I could get lucky in the casino environment.

Having played a little blackjack in social settings before, I knew the minimum basics of the game. Nothing more. It was a game of 21. I must remain with cards as close to 21, without going bust. 

I chose a moment when I was feeling a lucky vibe and headed to the casino. Looking around, I noted the minimum play costs on different blackjack tables. Hmm... how much to play? 

Logically it would make sense to play small, as beyond the basics, I didn't know how to play blackjack. But feeling and being confident, it seemed better to go bigger. I picked a table with a $50 minimum.

I sat at a table with three or four other people playing $50 hands. I didn't really know what I was doing. I don't recall if it was my first hand or next, but I got a win. Then another. Then another. Then another...

This was long ago. I don't recall exactly how many hands I won. But  conservatively, I'd say it was five hands in a row. I was like, WTF?! This had never happened before. I was in a casino. It wasn't a game with buddies.

Having now had a string of wins, I was feeling great. Things were on a roll. I was going to keep winning and maybe have a career change, Perhaps I'd turn into a professional blackjack player [just kidding].

Then, while on my winning streak, another guy joined our table. Try as I might to not let that impact my play, it did impact my play, and I lost the next round. I guess this new person's presence brought some change in energy.

I thought maybe the casino had intervened to stop my winning flow, haha. Very unlikely at such stakes... With this new guy at the table, my winning flow had been interrupted. 

For me, this experiment had been a fun and weird experience. I won a load of hands sequentially. More than I'd ever done before. And I'd won money prizes here too. Then, when another guy joined the table, I'd got on a losing streak. And following that, I bailed. I left the casino.

It was never a huge win and I went home under what I'd gone in with - the casino won - as they tend to! Winning so many hands in a game I don't know well, and in a casino with other unfamiliar players, seemed very weird.

Image by Freepik

I don't recall how I got my crystal fascination during this period. It may have been from the many crystal-themed kids play parks in NZ. I had a few crystal gemstones as a child, but I didn't collect them.

Whatever caused my crystal interest, my passion for crystals would have quite an effect. Going to the crystal shop almost became an addiction. I guess there are much worse things to be addicted to.

Many people buy crystals for spiritual or healing reasons. For me, it was just about their visual, aesthetic, qualities. Crystals tend to be loaded with a timeless natural beauty. 

When I first started looking at crystals, I thought a potato has as much power or energy as a crystal, i.e. crystals have no power, or only the power which a person gives it. Wow - I was to learn a lesson later.

I found a crystal wholesaler which, to me, seemed like Aladdin's cave. A huge warehouse shop, packed with all kinds of crystals from all around the world. There was a steady flow of new shipments arriving from overseas.

My wholesale account meant prices were discounted from retail, but I wasn't buying crystals to sell them. I started with a, 'I like this crystal', or, 'I also like those crystals', to eventually wanting to buy loads of crystals. My home became covered in crystals.

I bought a lot of shelf-sized crystals, plus literally, cases of tumble stones, and a tiny amount of floor standers. Crystals get formed over a very long time, e.g. millions of years. Crystals have a timelessness. They don't wilt or perish. They are low maintenance and high beauty.

THE ALCHEMIST BY PAULO COELHO

Around this time, my new doctor that had lived 700 metres from me, but we'd only meet later 20 million metres away, leant me a number of books. This included The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. 

Reading The Alchemist, I was surprised to learn the story was about a guy that travelled to the other side of the world and became a crystal merchant. He then travelled back to his home (on the other side of the world) to find his treasure.

I/we had travelled to the other side of the world. I had a wholesale crystal account and was buying a lot of crystals (I was not selling them). This post is written back home in the UK. We've since moved back from NZ to the UK. The treasure hunt can be fun.

Modified image from fszalai at Pixabay

I used the image above as it was the closest I could find now. It shows female eyes as I couldn't find a male image. The third eye is not exactly the same, but it's similar to how I saw the third eye.

As covered in my other post on Crystals and The Alchemist, I gained a passion and fascination with crystal gemstones. And during this overall awakening period, I tried a load of new things. One of them was meditation.

I was reading a lot of books, and listening to podcasts and YouTube content covering lots of topics. Various styles and techniques of meditation were popping up all over. I tried many of them. Meditation was new to me.

I didn't do meditation as people generally recommend. For me, sitting on the floor cross-legged holding thumb and forefinger wasn't for me. It was uncomfortable. I considered Transcendental Meditation (TM), and more than a decade later, I took up TM. 

My practice was very casual. I joked to friends my practice was called matatation. Sometimes I'd make notes during meditation. I would also listen to music. I'd meditate in the bath. I wasn't following recommended practices. Somewhere in amongst all this, I'd heard mentions of the third eye.

The third eye was a new concept for me. I didn't even really know what it was. I described previously in my Crystals post, that I had held a view that crystals did not hold any magical/mystical powers. Given that belief, my next actions don't make much sense and may seem contradictory.

My home had a lot of crystals. Many crystals are pretty cheap or inexpensive. Also, some crystals have different grades of quality, so a larger crystal with a lower grade may cost less and still be beautiful. Of course, there are more expensive crystals. Many good value bargains exist.

Playing around with the crystals I bought, at some point in the meditation I put a small crystal around the area of my third eye. I was laying on my back on the couch. I don’t even recall exactly what type of crystal it was. I had a lot of crystals and this was a small one. It was under 5 cm in length. It was a combination of green, slightly transparent, and partly cloudy. I no longer have those crystals. I think it was either green quartz or perhaps green calcite. It was rough and just a small piece. 

After the meditation I went through to the bathroom and I had the shock of my life. Looking in the mirror at myself, I saw myself with three eyes. The area between and above the eyes typically associated with the third eye, had a third eye. This was bizarre. 

As I moved my head position around the bathroom. The third eye moved as if it was part of my face. There was no delay. No break in vision. As I blinked it blinked. This third eye seemed fixed. This was very strange. I was not taking any substances, there were no drugs or plant medicines etc.

I left the bathroom and moved around the house. I returned to the bathroom to be greeted by three eyes in the mirror again. WTF? Was I tripping/hallucinating. What was going on…? It was hard to fathom. Besides the stimulation from what I was seeing, I felt well.

These third eye events continue to repeated at other times. Each time it would be slightly less weird than the last, as my initial fear declined. I’d learnt the state was temporary. It would pass.

My experience seeing the third eye could last twenty minutes to an hour. And later, this would also occur without crystals. Also, later I saw a third eye on other people. This was very strange, and also fascinating.

At the time, I searched online and there was plenty of content about the third eye. While many images showed the visual third eye position between and above the eyes, most explanations talked about an internal third eye, associated with the pituitary gland and/or the Eye of Horus.

Talking about third eye visuals to people who have little or no understanding about the third eye seemed unconstructive. Nowadays (writing in 2023) I know more people with appreciation for spirituality. I continue to learn more about this topic and experience.

Image by Jan Alexander from Pixabay

One day I stepped out the house for a light walk. As I reached the end of the drive, I realised I was missing something. Something quite serious. Yes, I'd lost my mind.

This was, as you might expect, a very odd experience. While in the past I'd lost myself with excessive booze or party drugs, there were no additional substances at play here.

So where had myself gone? I had to question this. My mind had gone AWOL. I'd definitely had it before! Perhaps it was back in the house? Such a strange scenario.

I felt slightly different. This led me to going through basic checks like 'Who am I/What's my name?'. Now, I'd answered this question a gazillion times, and never before encountered any issue providing an answer.

I was stuck. I didn't know my name/ who I was, yet at the same time I was coherent and walking down the street. For the first couple of minutes, a slight-to-medium panic or concern set in. Then I figured I'd just keep walking.

About ten to fifteen minutes in to the walk, I/me/Matt returned, and I had my identity again. Phew. What a result. I don't know where my identity went, or why it left, or even how it returned. It was a relief. I Lost it and Found it.

Image by kjpargeter on Freepik

The image above with a dark space and spotlight is a little misleading. My interrogation experience took place in my home during the day. I was alone. There was no other party present. 

This occurred much later than other events in my awakening experience. It was bizarrely strange. Unlike previous events which had felt good or neutral, this felt very weird/wrong.

Around this time, it was normal for me to think about my goals, aspirations, and purpose. I'd internally evaluate and self-analyse. This event was different.

Standing in my home, I proceeded to ask myself questions. These questions included: What am I working on ? / What am I working towards?  / And others. These all seem quite reasonable.

The questions then shifted to inquiring about my past. What have I done previously, and other questions about my past events. I noted that my internal dialogue was tense and harsh. This wasn't normal.

That wasn't my usual internal dialogue. It was rapid fire, intense questioning. Post event, as I reevaluated the questions, I realised I'd somewhat interrogated myself with a string of questions which I'd never ask myself. I know the answers. And the answers don't change. 

Why was I asking myself these questions? I was alone. What happened? How did it happen? This was/is really odd.

I have some speculative theories on what happened, and I'll write about them another time. To my knowledge, this was a one-off. It hadn't happened before or since.